So drunk, too bad you don't want this
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
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