I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize