please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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