I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
