At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
