I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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