Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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