what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
What drink are we having for lunch?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize