Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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