You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Found your dick twin last night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
