I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
