Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
