he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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