i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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