dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
