we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
