Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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