Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
