The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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