Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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