My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
