Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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