i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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