I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
