trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
