We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
