Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
