Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
