Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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