I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
