my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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