I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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