onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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