you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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