Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
