As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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