so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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