Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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