He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
