If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
