I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
