I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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