We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
