so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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