this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
