I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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