yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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