Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Randomize
