My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
my poor anus
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
