Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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