I faked an abortion last night.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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