he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
