Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
