Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
