u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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