i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
