When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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