we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
