I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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