he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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