So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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