coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
