I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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