Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
