I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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