The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Fuck appropriateness.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
