Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
