hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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