Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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