Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize