I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
