New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
