She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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