apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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