I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize