these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
