everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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