Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
