I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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