if you like me you must not know who I am
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
