Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
