marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I've blown a few things in my day
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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