Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
