I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize