How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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