but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
