I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
