Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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