you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
