how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
