I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
