I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
