Just fell off a train. Bad.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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