Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
