Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
