2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
