you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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