the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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