I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
